I wanna be Neil Gaiman’s Personal Assistant

I got the idea for this entry weeks ago, before I had a blog or was even mentally committed (obvious remarks aside) to having a blog. When I went to SiWC and became convinced, for the second year in a row, that I should start a blog, I knew that this piece would be one of my first posts.

I wanna be Neil Gaiman’s personal assistant.

I know, you’d think I’d wanna be Neil Gaiman, himself. Who wouldn’t want to be the mind behind vividly inventive films? The author of multiple internationally best-selling novels? The creator of the ambitious, barrier-breaking, award-winning Sandman comic book – excuse me – graphic novel series? Who would turn down sitting on Sue Ellen’s falafel on Arthur? Or writing (I’m not kidding, here) an episode of Doctor Who?

Even in the face of all that brilliance, fame, and glory, I’d still rather be Neil Gaiman’s personal assistant.

See, if I were Neil Gaiman, I’d be forced to wear black all the time.  I’d have to talk with a funny accent.  My dinner guests would have to be picked up at some neutral location and transported to my house with velvet bags over their heads; otherwise, I’d wake up one morning to find throngs of rabid fans tented up on my lawn, with “<3” “U” painted on their eye lids in purple sparkly eye liner. (Please don’t do the latter to Mr. Gaiman.  It was my idea, first.)

But if I were Mr. Gaiman’s personal assistant, I’d reap some of the benefits without any of the pressures.  I’d get to meet some of those cool and/or famous people he hangs out with. I’d be first (or nearly first) in line for his latest publications. I would have been sent to Ireland in October to enjoy the music, the green hills, the especially good beer, and the near rock-star status of attending a science fiction convention as his representative.

Best of all, if I were Neil Gaiman’s personal assistant, I’d get to listen to that funny accent all the time.


If you like Neil Gaiman’s stories and wish to help a young film maker on a cool project, then check out Kickstarter.  Christopher Salmon is hoping to make an animated film of “The Price.” More info is available at the website for The Price.

About Marie Loughin

I love reading, writing, and editing speculative fiction of all sorts. My current focus is on writing contemporary fantasy, where I get to play god with characters from myth and legend. My Norse-based urban fantasy, Valknut: The Binding, is available at Kindle Books and other e-book retailers. You can find me at my blog (marieloughin.com) and on Twitter (@mmloughin).
This entry was posted in Authors, humor and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I wanna be Neil Gaiman’s Personal Assistant

  1. Tom Loughin says:

    I’ve gotta say I’m a little disappointed that all of *my* funny accents don’t sustain you…

    But I will also say that, from a being-married-to-you point of view, I’m pretty glad that you’re NOT Neil Gaiman.

  2. Char says:

    I understand where you’re coming from. Mr. Gaiman’s assistant has one fabulous job, but I’d give being Mr. G a shot, too. I like dressing in black. They do say it’s more slimming. You wouldn’t have to worry about whether your shirt matched your slacks. It simplifies the decision-making process and leaves more time for writing!

    As for accents, I always wanted one. I love Scottish and Brit accents in particular and often attempt them when no one else is listening – well no one but the cat. She doesn’t seem overly impressed…

  3. Jules Loughin says:

    I’d wanna be Steve Irwin’s personal assistant (if he was still alive).

Comments are closed.