I wanna be a hockey player

Vancouver Canucks

Image via Wikipedia

That seems like an odd desire, after watching the deconstruction of the Canucks last night.  (For those living on the other side of the moon, the Canuckleheads got their butts kicked 8-1 in the biggest display of testosterone-gone-wild that I’ve seen since the last time I tried to watch UFC.) After that petulant display of bad sportsmanship, you’d think I’d be tempted to give up watching hockey altogether.

But then I got to thinking . . . what would it be like to live like a hockey player all the time?

For example, I was driving around after the game last night. A giant pick-up truck zoomed up behind me and roared past, crossing double yellow lines to do it. I had a sudden urge to hip check him as he went by and flip him over my back.

Another example . . . ever try to walk through the halls between classes at a University?  Picture a wall-to-wall throng of students, 90% of them with heads down, thumbs hard at work on their cell phones.  A banana slug could move faster.  Now picture yourself carrying a hockey stick.  A less-than-gentle little cross check here and there ought to clear your path.  (Don’t worry, the refs won’t call it unless the student falls down screaming. Even then, they might call the student for diving, as long as you don’t draw blood.)

Or waiting in line at Universal Studio’s Islands of Adventure.  The crowd closes in around you and the tension builds. “That’s it!” you yell after some woman’s purse bumps your backside for the 37th time.  You throw down your camera and your backpack and start flailing away at her.  Some of your blows actually land.  The crowd screams encouragement and waves banners and towels to cheer you on.

Yeah. Yeah. I could be a hockey player.

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*This entry was inspired by Shannon Mayer’s blog.

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About Marie Loughin

I love reading, writing, and editing speculative fiction of all sorts. My current focus is on writing contemporary fantasy, where I get to play god with characters from myth and legend. My Norse-based urban fantasy, Valknut: The Binding, is available at Kindle Books and other e-book retailers. You can find me at my blog (marieloughin.com) and on Twitter (@mmloughin).
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6 Responses to I wanna be a hockey player

  1. Sarah Inabnet says:

    I appreciate everything you just wrote and would gladly join you in your hockey-playerness.

  2. Kim Lenters says:

    Even if you had to grow a playoff beard?

  3. RobynC says:

    Wait a sec, I’m catching up here….
    (was gonna post under the newest entry but didn’t want to clutter up the lovely ode to Leonard thang you had going there)

    HOLD THE PHONE! TWITTER??? when did you start TWITTING?? Argh! I’ve resisted the inane-ness that is Twitter with stalwart ..er.. anti-inane-ness for SO LONG; and now for YOU I need to reconsider? Do you realize the sacrifice that would be? Hrmph. The things I do for my friends…

    and SECOND; how did that “letting Tom cook things like sausage-pineapple-rutabaga-macaroni-blue cheese-and-sauerkraut casserole” go? I’m very curious about things like that… I’m guessing all those things were on sale for a schamazing discount at the local grocery. I’m wondering if Tom could actually make it work; and if he can’t– whatcha’y’all do about it. 🙂

    Hugz
    Robyn

    • I’m just experimenting with tweeting. Only a marginally successful foray, so far. It’d be more fun if you were on there 🙂

      As for Tom’s food experiments, the brilliant part is that I’m not usually there to eat them. And I “save” the leftovers for his work lunches. So I only need to feel guilty, not indigested…(I just invented a new word)

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