Puppy, day 2: The nervous breakdown

Here is my new puppy. Don’t be fooled by his adorableness. He is a vibrating, finger-biting, cat-harassing, carpet-pooping little monster. That charming curlicue tail is fuzz-covered worm set on a barbed hook. Those soulful little eyes issue commands like a drill sergeant from hell. “Toy!” they say. “Toy now! Throw!”

So I hoist my carcass off the couch, pick up the puppy-slobbered stuffy and toss it across the room.

I get a 0.03 second reprieve and he is back, wriggling at my feet, giving the stuffy a severe case of whiplash. One eye rolls back at me. “Tug. Tug now. I dare you.”

“Drop,” I say, firmly. Experts say tug encourages finger biting.

I am ignored. A game ensues. It is called Dare to grab the toy in the split second after I drop it, before I clomp down on it (or your finger) again.

I often win. Sometimes. I sometimes win.

Play continues until dog collapses in exhaustion. Isn’t he cute.

I rush to the computer to get 15 solid minutes of work done.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

To add variety, we go outside for a walk. Pee happens there. Not poo, though. Poo is saved for carpets.

Here he comes now—the evil puppy. Yeah, perk those ears a bit higher. You’re not fooling anyone. Those soulful brown eyes are a façade, hiding the soulless monster within. That sweet little whine is merely an echo of the bwahahaha in your cold, cold heart. Forget it, you’re not getting in my lap.

Uh uh.

Oh, no you don’t.

Not in this lifetime—or any other.


Oh, all right. Come up here. Dork.

The puppy passes out. This time, I pass out, too.

About Marie Loughin

I love reading, writing, and editing speculative fiction of all sorts. My current focus is on writing contemporary fantasy, where I get to play god with characters from myth and legend. My Norse-based urban fantasy, Valknut: The Binding, is available at Kindle Books and other e-book retailers. You can find me at my blog (marieloughin.com) and on Twitter (@mmloughin).
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10 Responses to Puppy, day 2: The nervous breakdown

  1. Jaye says:

    Bwahahaha! Cute truly is the most powerful force in nature.

  2. I do not miss the puppy days! Until I see how damn cute they are . . . . little devils! Have Fun. 🙂

  3. Kim Lenters says:

    Haven’t I seen Tom do something similar with his eyes?!?

  4. Puppies are infuriating, endearing, exhausting, and wonderful! He’s a keeper. Especially if you can get that poop situation under control! 🙂

  5. Tara Campbell says:

    right… well maybe it’ll be another year or so until I get myself into that kind of mess/blessing…
    on the other hand… it hasn’t been that long since I’ve been cleaning up unexpected child eliminations… perhaps I should take this on before I no longer want to roll with the baby groove… sounds like a lot of work though… and there is no breastfeeding break/bonding time I am guessing

  6. Really cute pup. How big will he grow? Is he quiet or vocal? Does he having a pleasing personality? Well, other than the poop part, which comes with the territory. Have fun and enjoy his antics.

  7. Hah, I just love this post. Been there with puppies. They can be…exhausting.

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  9. Char says:

    Those eyes…yep, they’ll get you, suck you in every time.You captured moments that I remember ages ago when I adopted a puppy. I have no intention of repeating that! : ) Puppies are a lot of work, and they are definitely exhausting. Switched to kitties. But now that son #2 is back at home & allergic, we are pet-less.

  10. I can see the horns appearing just under the fur! I’m sorry for the disaster!

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